For generations, people have been guided by phrases passed down through families, cultures, and communities. “Rise to the occasion.” “Fake it till you make it.” “A little powder and paint make you something you ain’t.” These sayings encouraged resilience, growth, and the ability to step outside of comfort zones. They pushed people to try, even when they didn’t feel ready.
Now, in a culture that prioritizes authenticity, letting things organically happen, and self-identification, these old messages often seem at odds with new teachings. Clients in therapy are increasingly asking, “Am I being inauthentic if I challenge my instincts?” or “If I don’t feel like something is ‘me,’ should I avoid it?” The desire to honor one’s true self is colliding with the necessity of tolerating discomfort for growth and wise self guidance.
When “Authenticity” Becomes a Stumbling Block
In therapy and self-improvement spaces, being “authentic” has become a guiding principle. The idea of living in alignment with one’s true self is meant to be liberating, but it can also become paralyzing. Some clients resist stepping into new roles, trying different coping mechanisms, listening to their wiser mind or facing difficult emotions because they don’t feel like those actions align with who they are. They say things like:
- “That’s just not me.”
- “I trust my gut, and it’s telling me not to do this.”
- “I want to honor my authentic self, and this feels forced.”
Yet, personal evolution often requires doing things that feel unnatural at first. Just because something doesn’t feel “authentic” today doesn’t mean it won’t become part of who you are tomorrow. In fact, many of the best changes happen when people override their initial resistance and lean into discomfort.
The Gut Instinct Paradox
A classic piece of advice—“trust your gut”—further complicates this issue. It’s a powerful phrase, but it isn’t always correct. The brain, shaped by past experiences and survival instincts, often mistakes familiarity for safety. If someone has lived with fear, self-doubt, or unhealthy coping mechanisms, their gut may steer them toward the familiar, not necessarily what’s best.
For example:
- A person recovering from an eating disorder might feel intense anxiety about eating a certain food, with their gut saying, “Avoid it.” But in reality, facing that fear is exactly what will help rewire their brain toward healing.
- A client struggling with social anxiety might feel an urge to leave a gathering early, believing their gut is signaling danger. But in truth, staying and engaging might be the step they need to break free from isolation.
The key is learning when to listen to the gut and when to challenge it. The ability to sit with discomfort and override instinctual resistance is not a betrayal of authenticity—it’s a necessary part of growth.
A Path Forward: Redefining Authenticity
Instead of seeing authenticity as static—something fixed and unchangeable—it helps to view it as evolving. Who we are today is not who we were five years ago, nor is it who we will be five years from now. Authenticity is not about staying within the confines of what feels familiar; it’s about aligning actions with values, even when they feel unnatural at first.
To bridge the gap between old wisdom and new understanding, we need to:
- Recognize that authenticity and growth coexist – Being true to yourself includes evolving beyond old limitations. Challenging your fears or stepping into new behaviors doesn’t mean you’re betraying who you are; it means you’re expanding into who you can become.
- Redefine discomfort as part of authenticity – Avoiding discomfort isn’t always an act of self-preservation; sometimes, it’s an act of avoidance. Learning to tolerate distress and push through resistance is part of self-development.
- Understand when to challenge the gut – Instincts aren’t always correct. The gut often prioritizes comfort and familiarity over what’s truly best. The ability to pause, assess, and sometimes do the opposite of what feels natural is a skill worth developing.
- Rethink old sayings rather than reject them – Instead of discarding phrases like “rise to the occasion” or “fake it till you make it,” we can reinterpret them. Rising to the occasion doesn’t mean losing authenticity; it means stepping into a version of yourself that is still forming.
In a world where “authenticity” has become a buzzword, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that anything uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or challenging is somehow inauthentic. But true authenticity isn’t about staying the same—it’s about becoming. And sometimes, that requires overriding instinct, listening to your wise mind, embracing discomfort, and recognizing that who you are today is not the final version of who you are meant to be.
