I’ve spent years walking alongside individuals battling eating disorders, and if there’s one thing I’ve seen over and over, it’s this: many of the people struggling the most aren’t “failures.” In fact, they’re often the opposite. They’re high achievers—driven, disciplined, relentless in their pursuit of a goal. They excel in school, sports, work, and any challenge they set their minds to.
But what happens when that same drive is directed toward thinness? What happens when the “achievement” becomes starvation, shrinking, and disappearing?
This is when achievement addiction goes terribly wrong.
The Trap of “Succeeding” at Losing Weight
If you’re reading this and struggling, I want you to know: I see you. I understand how hard it is when your sense of worth feels tied to your ability to control your body. What may have started as a desire to be “healthy” or “fit” can spiral into an all-consuming pursuit—one where hunger is ignored, warning signs are dismissed, and exhaustion is worn like a badge of honor.
Anorexia and bulimia can feel like a competition with yourself. Each pound lost, each skipped meal, each number on the scale can feel like a victory. It’s the thrill of control, the illusion of power, and, for a moment, it may even feel like success.
Until it doesn’t.
Until you’re so exhausted you can’t think straight. Until your body starts shutting down. Until the fear of food or the binge-purge cycle consumes your every waking thought.
This is achievement addiction gone awry. Instead of bringing pride and fulfillment, it brings suffering. And for some, tragically, it can lead to starvation, hospitalization, or even death.
How to Step Off the Achievement Hamster Wheel
If you feel trapped in this cycle, I want you to pause for a moment. Breathe. You are not failing if you stop chasing thinness. In fact, real achievement—the kind that leads to a fulfilling life—comes when you reclaim balance.
Here’s a step-by-step process to help shift your mindset and begin the journey back to yourself:
Recognize What You’re Really Chasing
Ask yourself: Is it really about weight? Or is it about feeling in control, being “good enough,” proving something to yourself or others? Many people who struggle with anorexia and bulimia are actually seeking safety, approval, or a sense of mastery in life. The first step is acknowledging that.
Redefine Success
If your definition of success is solely about weight loss, it’s time to rewrite the script. What if success meant feeling energized? Nourishing your body? Being mentally present for the people you love? Write down what true success looks like beyond a number on a scale.
Prepare for the Brain’s Rebellion
The moment you begin to eat more, rest, or release control over food, your brain is going to fight back hard. It will scream at you. It will fill your mind with critical statements:
- “You’re getting lazy.”
- “You’re losing control.”
- “You’re failing.”
- “You’re going to regret this.”
Your body will react too—waves of anxiety, panic, and even physical discomfort may surge through you. You might feel sluggish, bloated, or trapped in a body that suddenly feels foreign.
This is not a sign to go back.
This is detox.
Just like an addict withdrawing from a drug, your brain has to rewire itself. It has been trained to equate starvation with success, with safety, with power. And now, as you break free from the cycle, it will demand that you return to what it knows.
But this is a lie. The discomfort you feel isn’t failure—it’s healing in progress.
Ride the Waves, Don’t Obey Them
When the fear and body discomfort hit, remind yourself:
- “This is my brain detoxing, not a sign that I should stop.”
- “Feeling full is not the enemy; it’s part of being alive.”
- “My body will adjust. This is temporary.”
Like waves in the ocean, these thoughts and sensations will rise—and then they will fall. You do not have to act on them. Keep eating. Keep showing up. The brain noise will fade over time.
Replace Punishment with Compassion
High achievers often push themselves to the breaking point. But self-punishment doesn’t lead to happiness. Practice self-compassion the way you would with a friend. If someone you loved was struggling, would you tell them to keep starving? Or would you encourage them to rest and heal?
Find Achievements That Nourish, Not Destroy
What else brings you joy? Creativity? Learning? Helping others? Start channeling your drive into things that add to your life rather than take away from it. True fulfillment comes from growth, connection, and purpose—not deprivation.
Seek Support, Not Perfection
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Whether it’s a therapist, dietitian, support group, or trusted friend, find people who will remind you that your value is not in your weight but in who you are.
You Are More Than a Goal Weight
If you’re struggling right now, please hear me: You are so much more than a body size. Your life is too valuable to be measured by how little you eat or how much you weigh. True achievement is finding peace within yourself, not pushing yourself to the brink.
Healing takes time, and it’s not always easy. But I promise, there is a way forward—and it starts with allowing yourself to step off the exhausting path of self-destruction and walk toward balance, health, and self-acceptance.
Yes, your brain will scream at you at first. Yes, it will feel terrifying. But your brain can heal. Your body can recover. And one day, the noise will quiet, and you will be free.
You deserve to live. And not just live—but truly, fully, vibrantly exist.
